F*CK FEAR

Every victim of violence that survives says that she had a bad feeling, says our coach, Tony Blauer.

Fear that is unexplored, not managed, can lead to self-doubt, hesitation, delay, inaction, and damage.

Fear management is crucial in self-defense situations, as well as in everyday life.

Over the years, I have changed my relationship with fear, and that has served me much better.

For example, a while ago, I used F*CK Fear and went climbing, and it was so much fun.

I encourage you to also use fear as an ally, as a friend, not a foe.

Let’s explore these concepts more:

In the SPEAR ® PDR system, we use the phrase, Know Fear, not No Fear, and our overriding mantra is “Choose Safety.”

To choose safety you need to manage fear.

“Those who manage fear, will manage to take action to protect themselves,” says Coach Tony Blauer.

In the process of managing fear, we determine whether D1 (Detect and avoid), D2 (de-escalate and defuse), or D3 (defend) are most appropriate for the situation we are in.

Managing fear and choosing safety means different things depending on the scenario you are in:

• It may be to detect and avoid. (D1)

• It may be to de-escalate an emotion-driven aggressor. E.g. a guy who is drunk and enraged because you took his parking spot. (D2)

• It may be to fight. (D3)

But how do we manage our fears? The SPEAR ® approach to managing fear uses the acronym F*CK Fear.

FACE your fear:

• Acknowledge your fear

• Self-awareness is key; Tune into your bodily sensations and the feelings or emotions that your sensations generate.

• Accept what is happening (part 1 of the Golden Rule) and snap out of denial.

• Identify that you are in the fear loop.

• Face your fears squarely.

• Trust your intuition. Remember that your nervous system processes millions of data points subconsciously. Your cognitive brain can only process and, you can only articulate, a very small part of the information that your neural system perceives and processes.

• Practice self-awareness and situational awareness.

• Note your bodily sensations and your feelings (access your instincts and intuition).

• Listen to your intuition and your intelligence (part of the 3 I’s).

USE your fear:

• Explore your fear.

• Get challenged (part 2 of the Golden Rule).

• Identify what you are afraid of, what makes you uneasy.

• Come here you little fears so I can take a closer look at you

• Identify what you are sensing and feeling when you are with a certain person or in a certain situation or place. What exactly are you afraid of? What are you uncomfortable with? What do you need to tackle? Identify what bothers you. What do you need to address. Seek clarity on what makes you uncomfortable, ill at ease, doubtful, losing sleep.

• In an acute situation, you will not be able to articulate what all makes you feel fear.

• At times, we also need to identify our socially conditioned fears when we are experiencing fear but are hesitating to ask for help. In addition to fears of a potential physical threat, we may experience fears of embarrassing ourselves, of not wanting to over-react, of not wanting to inconvenience others, or of appearing to be impolite.

CONTROL your fear:

• Controlling your fear is the opposite of denying your fear. Instead, you determine what your safest options are.

• Remember our mantra, always choose safety. Move away from self-doubt and hesitation, delay, and denial. Instead, honor your intuition; respect your feelings and your bodily sensations.

• Develop strategies; set goals; make a plan.

• Keep thinking and adapting (part 3 of the Golden Rule)

• Work towards your desired results; take action towards your goals. Control your fear by developing a plan to achieve physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual safety.

• Determine what your safest option is. Do you need to use, D1, D2, or D3?

• Accept that you may deal with incomplete information. Give yourself permission to put your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual safety first.

• Time may be limited to take action. So decide ahead of time, that you will put your safety first. Above thoughts of embarrassing yourself, of over-reacting, of fear of appearing paranoid or of other perceived social disapproval.

• GAR: Set a Goal. Determine what Actions you need to take to achieve that goal. Get your desired result - safety.

KNOW your fear:

• Know and embrace your fear as your ally, your friend, your fuel to improve your life and to choose safety.

In managing fear, you need to observe the Golden Rule:

• Accept reality: (for example in a relationship – what is this relationship really like?)

• Get challenged: snap out of the fear loop (What do you want? Does this nurture you, help you grow, make you happy?)

• Keep thinking (Adapt to changing circumstances; remain flexible)

And always remember that the foundation for managing fear is self-awareness.